You will be alrite, slowly but surely……

What’s on your mind?

You have lots of thoughts and the frustration is eating you up and it’s unbearable.

I can understand the struggles in you, hang on there, you will be alrite.

You want to talk, you want to express it out but there’s no word coming out of your mouth. Simply, there’s no word to describe exactly how you are feeling now.

What do you want to do?

Nothing, because nothing can fill this gap; the bond which you have void long ago.

The consequences are hard to bear, hang on there. You will be alrite.

Metamorphosis takes a while, takes a while of inaction, stagnant, stillness, quietness, solitaire. Before you become a beautiful being, transformation brings along some pain, some tears, some loneliness, some disillusion and some confusion.

You will be alrite, slowly but surely……

在“生死边缘”，我被救赎了。。。。

看着面前的弟兄姐妹一一的倒下，心里希望下一个不会是我。凶恶的审判官走到我面前，我的心噗嗵噗嗵的跳，他举起手指向我。 该我了，中大彩也没这么准。我害怕，手遮住双眼， 我不想看到他们怎么处死我。 心想，最好是一枪毙了我，死得快。 全身急迫的紧张， 呼吸加速，我心里着急的“开枪啊，为什么还不开？”

这时，我只感觉到口中被喷了一种无味的液体， 不到5秒，我全身开始麻木了，我就像之前的弟兄一样倒下了。 四肢无力， 只是知道口里开始吐出白沫。

“hang on there, 等他们走了，我帮你洗掉口中的毒药。。。。” 口中吐出白沫， 身体已麻木了， 我听到姐姐这样安慰我。所有关在这里的基督徒都这样， 一个一个等着， 等着下一个会不会是自己，无助的被送上亡泉之路。

我无力的身躯， 俯卧在桌子上， 妈妈回过头看着我， 她的眼神中带着几许的无奈和无助。“神啊，这就是死的感觉吗？我曾经好奇的想知道死的感觉是怎样的，现在终于体会到了。”但我没想到竟会如此体会。“神啊，我要活下去， 我还有很多未完成的事。我会活回来的。。。”口中继续吐着沫， 肚子里所有的都吐了出来。 这比喝酒醉的时候还来得顺畅。视线慢慢的迷糊，我感觉不到外面的空气， 感觉不到我的身体。。。。 “我累了，但我会等， 等着姐姐的承诺。”

我醒来了。这里是我的卧房，确定， 这是我熟悉的， 确定，是一场梦， 一场很真实的梦。 在梦中的生死边缘，我有极大的生存毅力， 现在活生生的我，必须活得比梦里来的更坚强、更坚持、更勇敢。我还有什么保留的呢？我还有什么不敢放手的呢？感谢主让我在梦中体会到“死”， 感谢阿爸父的怜悯与恩典不让我在现实的生活经历这段“生死边缘”。

阿爸，请继续提醒我这力量， 你赐的力量，我要活得更精彩， 活出更漳县你荣耀的生命。感谢你在干枯的沙漠赐我绿洲、在无际的海洋赐我避风港、在稠密的森林赐我避难所。

生命里背负了很多杂七杂八的东西， 当每一次慢慢的拨去一层又一层， “你会鼻酸，你会流泪”， 就像拨开洋葱一样。 也不就只是鼻酸和流泪而以吗，鼻涕流完了、眼泪流尽了，还是好汉一个， 唱着“黄飞鸿”。。。。 : P

A glimpse of “I love you but God loves you more….”

One day, a man was walking on the beach- alone and sad, looking at the foot prints on the sands, he asked Jesus, "Lord, when I was happy, I saw two sets of footprints, I know You are with me. Now I am sad and depressed, I only see one set of footprints. Where are you Lord, have you forsaken me? Why am I all alone?" Jesus heard him and replied: "Son, the footprints you saw are Mine, I am carrying you in your time of depression and sadness." The man was still doubtful and asked Jesus:" Lord do you love me?" Lord replied: "Of cos I love you." The man then asked again: "How much Lord, how come I don’t see it and feel it?" The Lord stretched out His arms and open His palms and revealed the wounds, His body stood upright like a cross and replied: "Son, I love you this much. "

His love is enough for us everyday. Enjoy His presence now.

郑秀文- 加油吧 God’s favor on you ... ...

感谢上帝的恩典。我又在一次看到你回返舞台上。

相信每一位歌迷都会认同你的舞台魅力仍然光芒四色， 这一次多了属灵的感动。

我买了你的Show Mi Concert DVD, 一次过看了5遍。看着你坦言的诉说你这两年 “消失”的原因，听你读着写给自己的信，不经勾起我很多的回忆和我这两年的经历。

想不到，当我的偶像正在寻找真正的自己的时候，上帝也一点、一步的把我牵回他的身边。 两年前陆陆续续对你的报道很多，令我担心的是你得癌症的消息。当时的我就好像在做好心理准备似的，将要失去一位“相识”已久的“朋友”。我的过去，这些朔造我的过去将会随着你的“离去”而消失吗？ 虽然你不认识我，而我也是你上千万个歌迷之一，但在我心深处， 你则是 陪了我走回主，走回天父怀抱里的一位“朋友”。

“值得”使我开始喜欢上你的歌， 你的表演。那一段日子是我人生的一个转捩点。 我堕落了， 我跌倒了， 你的歌则每天在KTV 陪着我堕落。 当时的我对人生完全失去了方向， 过一天是一天。几年后，你的歌也让我成功的被入选并签了一年的歌手训练班合约。当然，那时我已经26岁， 还会有人要捧我吗？哈哈。 这我就认了。但还是要感谢李伟松老师给我这个机会， 让我能够体验正统的vocal training. 还记得 老师常说我必须摆脱你的影子，发觉我自己的风格。 虽然曾经想要成为舞台上的你， 但随着时间的流逝，我渐渐的， 慢慢的走进观众席， 手中握着万把荧光棒之一，成为一位永远支持你的歌迷。

你的每一个专辑就好像我人生马拉松长跑的路标。每一次经过一个路标我就会感到一点点地成就，庆幸我已完成一段路， 盼望着下一个路标来奠定我人生另一个前进。这也是为什么当你决定放长假的时候， 我突然觉得失去了一个并肩作战的朋友。 我当时也决定了我不再听流行音乐。

从那天开始， 我有了新的“战友”，那就是神的话语和诗歌。他把你从我生命里暂时拿开， 同时间的从新塑造我们。上帝让我看到了自己，让我看到了过往我走的路并不是他要我走的。All these while, it was my way, never His. 他使我看到了我以前责备他的十万个为什么，原来都是我的固执与执著。两年走来，心路旅程就好像蜕变的蝴蝶， 酝酿着快乐和幸福的开始。 在主爱中是何等的安全， 我已不再害怕担心将来， 完全的放下，完全的依靠他。我的过去没什么可夸的，但他已原谅我并爱我如同他爱耶稣一样。跌倒了的我如果用自己的力量爬起来并没什么， 可现在的我就如同飞鹰展翅， 力量来自天父， 重新开始。 就好像你重回舞台，你回来了，你的勇气回来了。 我的勇气也回来了， 我们都因这上帝给我们的力量回到他赐我们的舞台， 散发的是属灵的光芒。我现在的工作是把诗歌唱好， 把歌写好， 好好的为神疼爱的儿女侍奉。

我开始听流行音乐， 开始盼望你的下一个作品。我知道主会带领我们， 保护着我们。请继续加油， 我会永远支持你。

原神的慈爱， 圣灵的感动与你同在。

阿门。

无限的赐福

神的大能是无限的， 是无所不在的，是好比无形的磁铁吸引到你面前，挡也挡不住。

我非常蒙福， 有机会到 Max Pavilion 连看了两天的免费的大型Worship Concert, 领唱的是世界著名的Planetshakers 和Tim Hughes.

到来 参与的观众大多是青少年， 我和一起同去的朋友们是属于较“老”一点的观众。 看过这么多种演唱会， 唯有为主开的演唱会是那么激扬，澎湃，简直是痛快！在主爱中， 我们是何等自由，快乐和平安！

看到这些非常爱主的年轻人， 跟着激昂的音乐跳动起来，我们这些“老人”不知何时也跟着舞动起来。我妈和干妈也突然 年轻了 ，充满圣灵的感动而举手赞美这位权能的主。

我们坐在较后面的位子， 一眼可看到一片喧哗， 一个动作， 一起跳动， 一律举手赞美。感动得我不禁流下喜悦的泪。心里开始问主“为何不让我早一点认识你？我就不会走这么多冤枉路。”主慈祥的回答说“我一直都在你身边，是你选择不要靠近我。看，这还不晚呀！ 在我这里，你们都会蒙福，失去的时光，青春，金钱，时间，等等都将能补上。”一眼开过去， 不同种族，年龄，背景，学历，形状的人， 都一起聚集在这里， 一起以歌声献给爱我们的主。

曾经拥有很多物质上享受的我， 虽然现在打回原型， 可现在的我其实什么都不缺。我感谢 天父给与我的爱， 我母亲和家人的得救比任何事物来的重要。做梦也没想到会和母亲一同在教堂崇拜，一起唱诗歌，一起研究圣经。 最不可能的， 神都可以办得到， 何况是现有碰到的棘手的事物和债款。 他是创造宇宙万物的神， 是我的阿爸父， 在基督里我有了新生命和盼望。

他非常爱我， 带了很多朋友到我的身边， 帮助我，爱护我，勉励我，扶持我。感谢你们， Hilda, Limin, Pam, Kelly, Yoko San and Angela. 你们是主给我的福， 你们是福。 You guys are God’s blessings to me, thank you being a blessing in my life. May the Lord shower His favor on you and covers you with His protection!

最美的一刻

何时何日曾向天父祈祷。。。

何曾把祈祷过的事抛到脑后。。。

当我已把它给忘了，它竟然实现了。。。

这可是我最大的礼物。。。

从我下定决心，至今一路走来，艰苦但我知道，如果我跌倒了，我便是跌在天父手里。

这可是我鼓起万分的勇气，终于，耶和华阿爸天父赐我最美的一刻。。。

1月20日，亲眼目睹了妈妈接受主的一幕。。。

在牧师为她祈祷的那一刻， 我喜悦的眼泪几乎遮盖了我的视线。

急忙把手机拿出来，把这一幕录了下来。

这是肯定，这是给我的信心，鼓励，加油。。。

你再度让我知道你就是真神。

感谢你， 阿爸天父， 你是何等荣耀，尊贵，全能！！！

阿门。

Out of Your Love I sing

(V1)
I walk away from Your sight, out of fear
I turn away from Your love, out of shame
I hide in darkness and isolation
But I know Your are near/ (here)…..

(C)
Lord I sing, sing in Your glory
Lord I weep, weep in Your mercy
Lord I come, into Your presence
Lord I know, You are near/ (here)…..

(V2)
I stumble and fall, I am wounded
I struggle to hold, I am broken
I thought I am better without you Lord
But I know You are near/ (here)…..

(C )
Lord I sing, sing in Your glory
Lord I weep, weep in Your mercy
Lord I come, into Your presence
Lord I know, You are near/ (here) *Repeat Chorus
(Out of Your Love, I sing…..)


Pam, your turn....
I am looking forward to the tunes....
Can't wait!!!! :)

Welcome Home!

Have you been searching for the right answer, the right person, the right job, the right investment, the right house, whatever you are searching for, the search is definitely draining you OUT!

Are you searching to fit in or searching for things or person to fit you? In either way, you maybe right.

The temple you went, the church service you attended, the tarot cardreader you paid, you went with a wish, a prayer, a hope. No matter what religion we belong to, we pray with a lack, not with gratitude and thanksgiving.

A prayer is a an effect (reflection) of your thinking, your thinking is an effect (reflection) of your emotion.

Pray for wealth --->(thought)I am poor ---> (emotion) worries
Pray for health --->(thought)I am ill ---> (emotion) upset
Pray for partner --->(thought)single--->(emotion) lonely, sad

Just to name a few. Too bad, it does not work in the formula of -ve + -ve = +ve.
How can you experience miracles when you thinking and feeling double negative?

In New Age teaching, it is called the Law of attraction (The secret)
In religious point of view, it is called faith.

Next time you change a different prayer. Pray with thankfulness and abundance, you see the tsunami of miracles in your life.

When you are on your way to success, you are getting closer to "home", which you desired for a long time.

Welcome "home", you must be tired, come and have rest.

Get a life!

What on earth is that?

Stupid excuses, stupid arguments.

Don’t make others do the things you yourself can’t even deliver.

“Do onto others as what you want others do onto you (but do it first)”

Where’s the liberation?

Get a life! Go out there and get a life!

Look around you…… Who is there for you when you need someone to talk to?

Nobody will pity you cos you are the one who allowed that. You allowed these to happen. You are in control of your own life. You got to be happy before people around you are happy. But never be a crowd pleaser. It’s never ending.

So move on and move out your comfort zone. Nobody will stop you, nobody can cos it’s your life. You lead the life you want. What you want, go get it!

沟通

不只是言语上的交流，不只是咨询上的传达。
不是缓和疑心的管道，不是讽刺言论的桥梁。
是了解一个人的理想，情绪，心情，感情。
是听，用心听，用心感觉，用眼神肯定，用手抚慰。
是和跟你不一样想法，观念、背景的人 拥有的共鸣。

可以不认同对方的看法，但不可强硬对方接受自己的看法；这不是辩论。
可以表达自己的意见，但不可以用指责、责备的语气；这就不是沟通而是吵架。

可以培养吗？还是需顺其自然？或是不能勉强， 有就有；没有就没有？
需要一而再，再而三的尝试吗？
是说“请你讲，我愿意听，静静地听”？
还是容易引发自我防卫的炸弹； 别人还没说完就抢先为自己辩护？

是门艺术也。

如我妈说的：“沟通是先听后评。 毕竟上帝给与我们两只耳朵、一张嘴。”

Are we conscious of our actions when we were drunk?

Was it a natural flow of their most hidden emotions that they have it suppressed deep inside them?
Now that you are drunk, you have the courage to express it out? Were they conscious of their actions or totally had no clue?

Some mistakes were thus the results when ones were drunk, they blame it on the alcohol and who are they trying to fool? Some totally acted blur: “huh? Did I?” Some conveniently forgot that people were watching.

Are there some stigmas inevitable; closely labeled to intoxication of alcohol that people are forced to accept as excuses? Or maybe, why even bother to look at them? People are just wanna be out having fun and that include the one you are “romantically” seeing.

结束/ 开始

有什么“结束”了，你会开心？
有什么“开始”了，你会害怕？
有些“结束”让我们觉得以后的日子会一片渺茫；
有些，却让我们感到新的希望的来临。
在我们周围，每一天都在面对着“结束”与“开始”,
结束了一段恋情，开始了自己一个人的生活。
开始为一个人打开心窗，结束了漂浮无岸的航程。
开始了婚姻的日子，结束了单身生活。
结束了二人世界， 开始了为人父母的责任。

不要害怕结束， 因为往后的开始会更多姿多彩。
不要为“开始” 感到紧张，因为接下来的结束不代表失败。
人生就像一道门，开了也会关； 关了再开。
这道门关了，还有另一道门为你而开。

试着把手贴近你的心，心脏瓣膜每一秒都在开关，生命就是这样地延续。
它没停，你为何要放弃？

Thanks

Thank you so much for being here for me....
Like at your deathbed, you will know who are the ones who truly care.

I love the challenges that are put before me. Be of good cheer as Christ has conquered all.....
I look forward what my future may bring, many new opportunities, new people, new businesses......
My baby always tell me " what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" I am stronger now.....

Blessed am I . I am grateful. For this life, for this love, for this friendship....

As for those not so fortunate ones, there will not be any remnants of you in the future.

Have a nice day.

I am so blessed!!!!!!

What a blessed day!!!!!!!!
Amazing grace is upon me today. This is so so …….. Incredible!!!!
Everything is renewed today, faith, hope, dreams.
Thank you Father for this undeserved favor!
You wouldn’t believe what He has renewed……… This love from Him is true.
Praises to the Lord!!!!!
If you lack anything and lost faith, pray and let Him handles it.

Count your blessings…… one by one……

今天过得如何？
心情如何？
可否算过侵略心里的那些感叹号，问号，句号？

7月19日那天。。。。
连环车祸，伤了脖子，右手，左肩！
口袋将会破大洞！
Baby 吓得脸青唇白！
我也不知道我伤得多重，心里只想安抚她的惊恐。
为什么是我？为什么是“啾啾”？
“啾啾”老了，为什么还要经历这样的意外？
老“啾”是我的车。
它可能不行了。。。。

从来没发觉我会如此想念它。每次都埋怨它。
可它还是无怨无悔的帮我遮风挡雨。

看看周围可有多少个“啾啾”？
可曾感谢过上帝赐给你身边“理所当然”的事物和人？
Count your blessings…… one by one……
我们所拥有的都是上帝的恩典。不是吗？

This is Grace – unearned, undeserved favor from God.

太爱了！：）

太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的脸孔？！
太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的举动？！
太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的鬼脸？！
太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的谈吐？！
太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的挑逗？！
太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的“阴谋”？！
太可爱了！
世上可有这么可爱的施爱？！
太可爱了!
世上可有这么可爱的她！
太爱，太爱了！！！！
爱得太疯狂了！！！

Long lost friend

What a small world! I received an email from a person who claimed that she knew me. Read her profile and we added each other on MSN.

True enough, we knew each other back in Dec 91, the NPCC Cadet Inspector Course. Whaaaaaaa, we so old now, our birthdays are two weeks apart. Hahahaha so funny…..
She could remember that I was the best cadet of that year and I roughly could figure the school she was from…… I thought that my memory is bad, but guess my brain is still functioning pretty well….. Well, perhaps, selective memory…. We are both glad that out of 100+ CIs, we could still identify each other after all these years…..

We kinda teased each other about how we looked back then, or rather, I was teasing her that she looked more girl girl then….. hahahaha. She was so skinny when I knew her, now I almost could not recognize her. Hahahaha
Hey, no offend huh, friend……if you get to read this…. Heeeeeee

But she is still adorable lah…. Smile…….

PS: Hey, friends, if you ever viewed my frienster’s profile and saw there is this particular photo of mine uploaded so many times, pls pardon me, k
The system went wonky … so I was not sure if I had correctly uploaded it. So I tried many times….. Once they are uploaded, I will delete the excess away, k. Kiss…..

寂，光， 静

闹群必藏寂静，亦闹亦寂也。
含笑必藏虚意， 亦笑亦虑也。

暗潮需寻光线，越暗光明也。
视觉倘若模糊，形意显明也。

宣化只求静季，亦静心清也。
清然溟溟透彻，从寂，光， 静 也。


P.S: That’s what I have gathered from people I have been hanging out with. New revelation for me. Friends, hope you guys like this poem, coming out with this kinda drained my brain juice. hahaha

For those don’t read Chinese, you may get the English translation from me, k. You know my email. Hahahahaha

“Chao Tah” (Burnt) – Part 2

There were not many people there at the beach….. beer made us sleepy… Jil’s gang apparently was eating every single minute; peas, snacks, fish and chips, pizza……. OMG…..
Jrie was my timer, she reminded me to flip to avoid getting too burnt since I fell asleep on the bench. Hahaha so sweet of her…. But anyway, I am still burnt at the end of the session while I was reading my book. Too engrossed in that book that I was not aware of the sun….. :(

A couple of pretty people around, a traightsay couple practically kissing all the time in the water in front of us, exhibiting their “passionate” acts…. C’mon, go back home and do it….. PLEASE SPARE US FROM THE AGONY!!!!!!!

Someone caught my eyes….. the fish and chips that person was having lured my friends to order one themselves. Saw the same person later at night in the club too…..Stylish, good dress sense, working in the airline. Apparently that person is a friend of a friend. This circle is very small, everybody knows everybody. Both good reputations and bad names are pretty transparent. We tend to compare notes….hahahah, so amused to find out the similarities in the things people repeated to so many people.

Anyway, mummy is very shocked to see how burnt I am. It’s been donkey years since she last saw the chao tah me. Hahahaha
It’s fun to see the reaction on her face. She doesn’t like me to be tanned, says that I look like a dirty kid. Hahahaha Now, I am a dirty looking adult. Peace, mummy, peace……

“Chao Tah” (Burnt) Part 1 – to be continued………

Woken up by the itch on my back……stoned…… sitting on my bed, scratching my back… stoned……. My back feels hot from the sun tan….. at this time, really wish someone could be here to help applying cream on my back…. Hahaha

I am all “chao tah”, head to toes….. hahhahah

Ok… I am feeling sleepy again…. after all these reaching and stretching; trying to spread cream on my back…. Tired….

To be continued………. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz