Opening of a new chapter

I am grateful that I am moving on.

The emotional turmoil which I’ve been battling with for the past 2 weeks has been miraculously resolved by the grace of God.
It was a roller coaster ride,
the joy from discovering a new friend, the excitement from getting to know her deeper, the puzzlement when we had a different opinion, the anxiety and tension which weighed down each meeting, the rejection and despondency which sent me into somewhat a spiritual warfare.
I push myself (harder) this time, to seek an answer to my innermost feelings which, I myself am a stranger to.

I played those words through my head again and again, spending my waking hours deeply disturbed by this drift that comes between me and her. The more I desire to let her into my world, the further she seems to be driven away from it. I was very exasperated and frustrated all of these because, I care for this opinion and I badly wanted to understand it, and be understood. I wish to be heard.


Today, I was touched by this short video I saw http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/. It shot me that maybe the things I’ve been trying to justify are the mysteries which I shouldn’t struggle to put into words, because I simply cannot. His will is way far above any comprehension. I am thankful that He makes me see that the best action I could make towards dissimilarity is not retaliation but a show of understanding and tolerance. I believed that she had my good in mind when she shared her opinion and my wish to want to share with her who I truly am, did not pull through.

Although I still hold my stand which is different from others, I have learnt to present the grounds for my feelings, my thoughts and my behavior; at the same time respect that they may not buy my ideas. I learnt that, pride, is a creeping crook which come up to us when we’re least aware and take over our senses. The battle we had was unfortunately between our prides. With the grace of God, I am able to draw back because He has blessed me with a friend who is dear to me. Frankly, if it is by my own will, it will not be easy. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, it becomes effortlessly.

I seek a closure to this chapter of my life and anticipate new chapters to come; I hope that this post will reach out to the friends I care for. Although I hold on to the principles in my life, I appreciate your presence around me to arouse my sensitivity to my environment and to challenge my take of life.

This experience, although traumatizing and hurtful, has let me discovered new truths about myself which I am eager to embrace. I am still learning everyday and although I am not a master even in my own life, I am not ashamed knowing that the grace of God on me is more than sufficient and it abounds in my weaknesses. I pray to God that one day He will touch your heart that special way He touched mine so that you too can experience the wonderful feeling that I cannot express, which touches me still. Shalom.