等

等待

你喜欢等待吗？

有些人不在乎等待的时间有多长，因终究会等到。
有些人很享受等待的过程，因结果会是甘甜的。

有些人咬紧牙根等待着，只盼个雨过天晴
有些人顺境逆境等待着，只求出人头地。

有些在等待的时候茶饭不思，有些则自甘堕落。有些在等待的时候急躁烦心，有些则心平气和。

等，是因为有希望。等，是因为＂它＂重要。等，是因为能长相厮守。 等，是因为无路可走。等，是因为别无选择。等，是因为应许的承诺。等，是因为时机未到。

这充满＂喜怒哀乐＂的等，是你无法摆脱的。

Consumed

Consumed

Totally zapped. Utter haggard.

Consumed

Fatigue. Tired.

Consumed

Drained. Jaded.

Consumed

Whacked. Exhausted.

Consumed.

Consumed. Crushed. Extinguished.

Miss you..... very much still

Wan,

I saw your first love, K.L, in a restaurant at Railway mall. He sounded the same, except alittle husky.

You came into my mind, does he know that you have left this world.......? Does he know that you once loved him so much? Does he know that you once weeped so painfully when he left you?

Does he know that when you first saw Francis, you were on her mind? Does he know that Francis, the man you eventually married, sounds like him too and their mannerism seem similar?

You have brought these answers with you and I am holding on to these answers as the seal to our friendship.

I miss you very much still..... even though you departed so long ago..... I still do......

Ready to go?

It was a long day for me. In one and half hour time, I will be successfully kept myself awake for 24 hours.

A woman got to do what a woman got to do – preserve. Wahahahaha

I am very grateful for Wing and Pammy for helping me move all the things to the new place. If I were to do it alone, it would have taken me 100 trips back and forth.

The little corner of the room is cozy and on the contrary, adjacent to this cozy corner, is a mess, which got to be cleared as soon. Don’t our lives also experiencing part goodness, part messiness?

Have been thinking about a statement made from CS at LM this morning. She was sharing that life is full of trials and sorrow, many things to worry about and life indeed is very tough. She mentioned that if Jesus’s 2nd coming in now, she is ready to go. I guess most of us would have nurture this thought sometime in our life.

Am I really ready to go? Does God think that I am ready to go? How ready is ready? Is the “readiness” an escape from the never-ending trials or a graduation of much victorious endurance life provides?

“I am ready to go” exudes a negative vibe or a positive aspiration. Who determines which is which and at which intensity. Does it exude a right attitude or a wrong perception?

As I am writing this blog, my iPhone has just went wacky, leaving me in the lurch with no Internet access and causing a rush of panics into this quiet night. In a sudden realization, there is no alarm clock to wake me up for church, sending the sense of helplessness and chased away my peace.

Such dependency on gadgets and Internet has left me paralyzed. As I reject this feeling of paralysis, I embrace the comfort from God’s promises I learnt from the Book of Isaiah. I am depending on a God that will not “ditch” me in any situation. He is unlimited and unchangeable. He is my NOW and FUTURE.

Whether I am “ready to go” or not, I have already gained. Thank you Daddy God.

What do You want me to do?

Your Spirit says "go ahead" but I dun feel the intensity as much as the moment You planted the thoughts in my mind.
Why is it so? When I pen down, I suddenly feel very much lost for words.

Must I say it face to face? Is that why?

Gosh... spare me pls....

Serenity Prayer

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen."

I usually come across the first part of prayer and God just prompted me to google this prayer. To my surprise.... The whole prayer pops out... Just so timely.... Just when I struggle to submit to His will, He promised He will make things right and ask me to trust Him. I like the idea that I will be supremely happy with Him forever in the next. He is greater than my fears and worries. Living one day at a time- that is all He wants me to do, to enjoy every moment each day, every minute...every melody, every sound, each spectrum of colour, every breath every heartbeat.

Praise God!!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!

Finally in love

I have been praying. Sometime the waiting and hoping tainted with doubts, hopelessness and disillusions. Why do I need that “someone”? Is the rare occurrence of loneliness silently consuming me or is the idea of “having someone by my side” creeps into me each dawn comes and dusk falls. After all, Father meant for each of us to have someone to love and to be loved. Then why is Daddy taking so long? Is Daddy God trying to teach me something here? Perhaps…. And so I waited and I listened hard enough…

Now, I am in love. I am so much in love that I would never imagine. During my waiting and seeking, Daddy taught me about what love is and how to respond to love. I thought I could love, well, at least from my past experience; I would give my all to love a person (some of my ex would defer, of course). Let’s put it this way, I love with the capacity of my little knowledge.

The long wait nurtures richness of love and vast experiences with our Daddy and of course with him. He has always been there for me and I acknowledge that as well. But I just didn’t realize how much he loves me; I took his presence for granted. I guess, Daddy made me grasped the fact that the ability to love and be in a God-blessed relationship, I must first to become conscious of his love for me. Daddy has unique ways to grow his children.

I can never imagine my life without him and away from him. I am so secured and comforted. There are so many temptations around me but all these could never take my sight off him ever again. To hurt him is the last thing I want to do. He has taught me how to love, who can compare to him?

He accepted me, my whole self and my past and willing to walk with me into the future. He never judges nor condemns. Too good to be true, yet the undeserving me is truly blessed to have him by my side. Now I understand what they meant by fish without water. How can I live one day without him?

I have hurt him so much before but he has never given up on me. He wept with me when I crashed, he rejoiced with me in good times. He lifted me up when I am down and he came to my rescue when I got myself into trouble. I will never forget that faithful moment he was with me in my car, I was driving aimlessly, my broken heart could not stop aching, I cried like a baby and he grieved with me. No more will I face tomorrow with uncertainty because I am so protected being with him.

I learnt how to love and I can never loved like he does but I know I am getting there. It is a journey. I am truly blessed. What more could I ask for?

You are the Wind beneath my wings. I am so loved.

一次与神的旅游

终于完成了步行旅行的体验。 不知经过多少路灯、多少小巷、跟多少人擦肩而过。

脑里竟只有ah Mi 演唱会的画面、背负着去机场前和妈妈吵架的心情和永远无法完成的工作， 我很想能够找到一些平静、疑惑已久的答案 – 只有在神里面我可以得到。

Wing (同行的朋友) 在几个月前已到过欧洲、泰国、马来西亚一游。她说其实每个城市都一样， 我也想是吧。 对我而言， 我想在不被任何事物“侵略”当下， 能够好好地亲近神， 做他翅膀下的“逃兵”。

韩国非常冷，被刺骨的风征服的我似乎把放假的源头给暂时搁在一旁。 我只想什么都不想，什么话都不说， 什么事都不做。我只想狠狠地睡大觉。放假的前奏是惊心动魄的，需要交代工作、完成手上的projects。都是避免老板的使命连环call。这样的赛跑则疼了我。为什么每一次拿假都要经历这样的折磨? 可能这就是老板的一套不鼓励你拿假的方法吧。

可以什么都不做吗？可以什么都不想吗？我可以不说话吗？可以吗？

在韩国之旅， 我就像Amazing Race 并命完成旅游册上的每一个景点。 心想反正我永远不会回来这个鬼地方，over my dead body.

最令我安慰的是香港之旅却让我心旷神怡。买东西吃东西！爽透了！我还买了Mi的DVD。 在旅店再次回味了Mi的演唱会。

读了Mi的书，仿佛她为我写出了推挤在心里已久的感受。 就是这样！无名的无力感紧紧地压着我。如没有神的力量， 我已不知去了哪里。虽然心里非常渴望能够全职事奉神，但我知道并接受了神给我的答案。

我的生命是属于神的， 我也曾经立志把生命交托给他， 求他大大地使用我。他把我放在这份工作是有原因的，我必须接受。

God gives us the courage to change the things we can and the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.

我重生的人生就仅仅为主活。他给了Mi勇敢，也必给我这份勇气再次用我的生命荣耀他。

Mi， 加油！我也加油！

Thank you Father for loving us.