You will be alrite, slowly but surely……

What’s on your mind?

You have lots of thoughts and the frustration is eating you up and it’s unbearable.

I can understand the struggles in you, hang on there, you will be alrite.

You want to talk, you want to express it out but there’s no word coming out of your mouth. Simply, there’s no word to describe exactly how you are feeling now.

What do you want to do?

Nothing, because nothing can fill this gap; the bond which you have void long ago.

The consequences are hard to bear, hang on there. You will be alrite.

Metamorphosis takes a while, takes a while of inaction, stagnant, stillness, quietness, solitaire. Before you become a beautiful being, transformation brings along some pain, some tears, some loneliness, some disillusion and some confusion.

You will be alrite, slowly but surely……

在“生死边缘”，我被救赎了。。。。

看着面前的弟兄姐妹一一的倒下，心里希望下一个不会是我。凶恶的审判官走到我面前，我的心噗嗵噗嗵的跳，他举起手指向我。 该我了，中大彩也没这么准。我害怕，手遮住双眼， 我不想看到他们怎么处死我。 心想，最好是一枪毙了我，死得快。 全身急迫的紧张， 呼吸加速，我心里着急的“开枪啊，为什么还不开？”

这时，我只感觉到口中被喷了一种无味的液体， 不到5秒，我全身开始麻木了，我就像之前的弟兄一样倒下了。 四肢无力， 只是知道口里开始吐出白沫。

“hang on there, 等他们走了，我帮你洗掉口中的毒药。。。。” 口中吐出白沫， 身体已麻木了， 我听到姐姐这样安慰我。所有关在这里的基督徒都这样， 一个一个等着， 等着下一个会不会是自己，无助的被送上亡泉之路。

我无力的身躯， 俯卧在桌子上， 妈妈回过头看着我， 她的眼神中带着几许的无奈和无助。“神啊，这就是死的感觉吗？我曾经好奇的想知道死的感觉是怎样的，现在终于体会到了。”但我没想到竟会如此体会。“神啊，我要活下去， 我还有很多未完成的事。我会活回来的。。。”口中继续吐着沫， 肚子里所有的都吐了出来。 这比喝酒醉的时候还来得顺畅。视线慢慢的迷糊，我感觉不到外面的空气， 感觉不到我的身体。。。。 “我累了，但我会等， 等着姐姐的承诺。”

我醒来了。这里是我的卧房，确定， 这是我熟悉的， 确定，是一场梦， 一场很真实的梦。 在梦中的生死边缘，我有极大的生存毅力， 现在活生生的我，必须活得比梦里来的更坚强、更坚持、更勇敢。我还有什么保留的呢？我还有什么不敢放手的呢？感谢主让我在梦中体会到“死”， 感谢阿爸父的怜悯与恩典不让我在现实的生活经历这段“生死边缘”。

阿爸，请继续提醒我这力量， 你赐的力量，我要活得更精彩， 活出更漳县你荣耀的生命。感谢你在干枯的沙漠赐我绿洲、在无际的海洋赐我避风港、在稠密的森林赐我避难所。

生命里背负了很多杂七杂八的东西， 当每一次慢慢的拨去一层又一层， “你会鼻酸，你会流泪”， 就像拨开洋葱一样。 也不就只是鼻酸和流泪而以吗，鼻涕流完了、眼泪流尽了，还是好汉一个， 唱着“黄飞鸿”。。。。 : P

A glimpse of “I love you but God loves you more….”

One day, a man was walking on the beach- alone and sad, looking at the foot prints on the sands, he asked Jesus, "Lord, when I was happy, I saw two sets of footprints, I know You are with me. Now I am sad and depressed, I only see one set of footprints. Where are you Lord, have you forsaken me? Why am I all alone?" Jesus heard him and replied: "Son, the footprints you saw are Mine, I am carrying you in your time of depression and sadness." The man was still doubtful and asked Jesus:" Lord do you love me?" Lord replied: "Of cos I love you." The man then asked again: "How much Lord, how come I don’t see it and feel it?" The Lord stretched out His arms and open His palms and revealed the wounds, His body stood upright like a cross and replied: "Son, I love you this much. "

His love is enough for us everyday. Enjoy His presence now.